So this is going to be a bit of a rant about something that really ticks me off; keeping score.

Whether you keep score in your relationship or friendship, you are always trying to figure out which of you is the “better person.” I believe that trying to be the best in any type of relationship is unhealthy mostly due to the fact that relationships, to me, are all about give and take as well as compromise.

When you keep score, you either mentally or sometimes even physically record what you give/do for someone. Then you are expecting to gain something in return that could be of value to you.

I have been in two relationships (one friendship and one with a boyfriend) where we kept score. Score keeping started when it came to paying for things like dinner, then escalated to every time he held a door open for me or whenever I gave him a back massage. In the end, the score got so close that all we cared about was being better than each other.

These were probably the two unhealthiest relationships I have ever had in my life. These types of relationships also bring baggage to every other relationship I have tried to be in.

As a word of warning, if you feel like you are starting to keep score in any relationship, step back and take a look at what is going on. If you are unhappy in the relationship, keeping score (in my past) usually means that you are looking for a way to dissolve the relationship without it being your fault. At this time, try to have a conversation with the other person and figure out what your issues are before you do something you may regret.


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